HEY EVERYONE CAN YOU PLEASE HELP ME WIN THIS SCHOLARSHIP ALL I NEED IS YOUR VOTE !

I at my lowest and I wish people would just leave me alone for a while. Let me disappear because when you ask what’s wrong I don’t even know. I don’t want to eat or do anything…I just want to sleep away these days until it all goes away…but then again will it go away?

I feel like i’ll never be as good as I should be and it becomes depressing to not be able to wear the things i want, to not support myself or my family, to not be able to smile and look at the sky and say thank you God….instead I want to curse him ask him why? why me my family this world these ppl not even me we do so much and you watch us die and cry and bleed to death because e must suffer ” it all happens for a reason ” is all i here and after all this i jjust wanna say this is bull shit to be put thru this like fucking lab rats like we are pans in a race with the devil to see which lil rat will choose what piece of cheeses it will eat 1st . ……it’s sickening …..if i curse you im horrible and instead of showing your face to give me hop i have to chase after you and you wont even slow down to give my mother a chance to catch her breath and see you love unfold on r house and my brother ….. if me telling you this bad then ……………kill me now . 

Is it really possible to be in love with 2 different men at the say time? I mean they are still technically boys. Letwon says he can give me the world and i know he can but can i really bond with him I mean I still feel so shy with him . but i know no matter how crappy i may feel he will always make me smile with his weird ways. As for Antonio … I still love him but nothing is ever sparkling with us any more because he hasn’t grown like he should. plus he  really has got to get his like together and frankly I feel I am holding him back because he always thinks of me and him doing everything together but i tired of repeating the same shit over and over again. I wish he would understand I am not mad at him but at myself for letting this go on for so long when my love died months ago in regards to us being a couple. But my love for him to succeed and grow as a man will never die. I can never forget all that we have done for each other. 

My thing with both of them is that they talk about marriage as if its nothing but a simple smile and then our roads of life become 1 but im terrified of marriage …. i’m terrified of both of them because in the end some will be let go and i feel the results maybe devastating 

Nothing new has happened lately here @ EIU the sun came out to play and for a split second but tomorrow i think he’s going back inside his cloudy home. Work is normal made calls today. Dreamed about Bruno Mars ….that man gosh I would love to see him in concert or in person but i would try and stay as calm as possible forreal.

A lot has happened since I came to EIU. I’ve found myself just a little more, I’ve seen the worst and best in people, and I’ve grown in so many ways. I have made a lot of friends and even some associates but no one I can really relate to. I’ts awkward trying to open up to people, especially girls. Girls were never friends I could really do the thick and thin thing with. I was always with boys I could be me the boyish girlish me and not be judged half the time. I never once had to worry about the whole clique thing until I had friends who were girls, but I figure this is a normal re-occurrence within the world of girls, ladies,and women. I can’t wait to be the woman I am suppose to be I know it will be incredible.

‘It’s only 12:30 pm and this biology teacher is killing me I think my brain is about to have a chemical reaction!’.” Michelle ? , earth to Michelle hey you listening Mr. Bio-shock is about to give a pop quiz , whispered Nikki I mean I heard her but i was to busy looking out the window wondering why my boyfriend miles was opening the door of his red corvette for some skinny brunette wearing a pink Abrocombrie and fich jogging suite. she smiled at him not as a friend but in a way of saying thanks for the good dick down.I needed to get out of this class because i needed to know what was going on and as if on cue the bell for school to be over rang and i bolted out of the class room and told my friends Nikki,Kyla, and Shavon to follow me. We all looked like the sexy grown up version power puff girls walking down the hallway.  We all wore   pastel colors. I wore a white v-neck t-shirt with fitted purple pastel skinny jeans and a purple pastel half long sleeve jacket. on my feet i had some white jimmy choos on that were to die white pearl jewelry as accessories, my hair was in a feather wrap that flowed as i walked , and my make up was done up in soft shades in purple nothing to dramatic and nothing to plain i felt me already having caramel skin, thick curves, and personality was enough to set my out fit off  . All of my girls wore the same outfit just a different pastel Shavon wore a pastel green , Nikki wore a pastel Blue , and Kyla wore a pastel yellow.All of them has their hair feathered. Shavon was a light brown sister and had street game , Kyla was light brown too just too bubbly some times but always cool, and Nikki was all dark chocolate and looked like she was from Egypt. Any ways we we’re out of the school walking towards his car in stride without a flaw. Miles sat on the hood of his car still talking to the brunette chick like it was the best convo in history. As we inched closer they still hadn’t noticed us walking towards them and when we finally we’re walking on the side of the car the girl did not react she simply looked smiled and kept talking. ” hey honey watcha doing ?”  i said with so much malice it made me jittery and anxious to smack some one. Miles expression damn near had my girls on the floor he turned around stuttering a hey whats up baby he tried to grab me by my waist but i stopped him and looked the girl dead in her eyes and asked ” are you guys in a relationship?” She proudly said “yes 3 months as of today  ” i laughed and looked at him and  shook my head and said this explains so much  thanks for taking him off my hands and walked away with my girls in suite laughing they ass off.

my boy friend is a sex fiend and im barely interested i’ve lost touch with seeing his sexiness and me being aroused im thinking work work work he’s thinking fuck fuck fuck …. it’s annoying almost like a dog begging lapping at my feet ugh be a man grow sum balls not try and make me massage them . the slightest move i make its oh pls make me cum are you kidding me? i need a break im almost to the point where i just say fuck it i dont care if you cheat!!!!!!